Last night A- graduated from her middle school. I woke up this morning the mother of a freshman in high school. I had to let that sink in just a bit. Okay, it still hasn’t quite sunk in. I’m not sure it will – even when school starts. She’s terrified of high school and I can’t quite decipher how I feel about it. With her Anxiety, Depression and ADHD, I know these next years can be a challenge. I know how intelligent she is, yet somehow it sometimes fails to translate in the classroom. I don’t mind – but I know how much she still doesn’t quite understand why this is true. She will be going to a challenging school, but I have faith in her. I know she can do it.
Graduation was nice. It was definitely a happy/sad kind of time. In a way I was relieved to see these years now a thing of the past. She needs a fresh start in a new place. Still, I was a little sad at the passing of time in general – of the loss of my little girl and the gaining of a young woman in the making. She will never know how very proud I am of her. She has been through so much; and she is a warrior.
She sang at graduation and I may have cried just a bit. I couldn’t help myself. Interesting though, every time she agrees to sing in public there is SOME hitch. She has handled it well each time, but there is always something. She said she is beginning to wonder if someone is trying to tell her something! Last night she couldn’t hear the music, not even a little. To her, it was like she was singing a capella, so definitely sang with a timid voice, afraid the audience could hear the music and that she was nowhere near in time with it, but with a little help from someone sitting close to her that kindly helped her keep time, she managed very well. She did an amazing job. I’m always proud of her when she puts herself out there like that. Yes, she loves to sing, but sometimes anxiety can rob you of doing things you love, so I am always happy when she pushes through and does it anyway.
One chapter of her life is now closed and and a new one is opening. I don’t know what the next four years will bring, but I am sure it will be an interesting journey. I suppose it’s a new chapter for both of us! I think we will both be just fine.
Now I must look up tips and ideas for high schoolers with ADHD. I know she is going to need some help with organization and anything that will help her remember everything she has to do!
She’s been doing well lately. There are still some bad days, but that’s okay. She is accepting happiness into her life and slowly learning that the things that have happened to her do not define her. She is battling the urge to self harm and is doing well. She said she wants to stop and she wants to be happy. She’s a bit scared of happiness, she’s a bit scared of letting go of the depression and ugly thoughts because they are familiar but it’s so good to see her smiling and laughing and really meaning it. I’m seeing that smile more and more often and it’s the best sight ever!
I think it’s going to be a great summer. I’m always excited when school gets out and we get to have a few weeks of freedom. It’s always great to spend time with my girl just not doing anything in particular.
So, let the new book begin!