As we travel the slippery slope that is ADHD, Depression, and Anxiety, and work on healing and growing, A- is doing better right now than she probably ever has. It’s a night and day difference, really, and I’m so proud of how far she’s come. She said something to me a couple of days ago that really showed me what a good place she is in; words I’ve been waiting a long time to hear.
“Mom, I have a good life.”
Just a few simple words, but what an impact they had on me! A- has always been appreciative of what she has, and she knows that she has gotten to do some things and has had some opportunities that a lot of people have not had, and she has never taken anything for granted, but at the same time, she has, for the past seven years, been prone to focus on the negative – on the bad things going on in her life. I’ve always tried to help her to see the good and focus on positive things, but it’s been a struggle. Hearing those words was like a dream come true! She went on to say that she had people that loved her and were there for her, and that was what was important. She said she believes now that she is worthy of having people care – that she deserves to have people in her life that think she is special. I’m glad to hear her reach this point. To know that she matters – and not shy away from it – is monumental. In the past she would almost get angry thinking there were people who cared about her because she didn’t feel she deserved to be cared about. Maybe she is just growing up. Maybe she is finally ready to give up the ghosts that haunt her and live more fully. Maybe she just got tired of living with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Maybe it’s just “time.” Whatever the reason, I’m loving the more confident, smiling girl that is living here.
She’s more “herself” these days. She realizes that she’s “different” and she is realizing this is okay. She’s accepting her body type and is actually wearing clothes that fit instead of trying to hide in t-shirts that swallow her whole. Every day I see her confidence growing and I see her accepting who she is and wanting more out of life. And it’s just what I’ve been waiting to see!
On an unrelated ADHD note, we made a swap in the house that is REALLY been great for my ADHD! Due to the fact that we may have some family coming to stay with us for a while, I swapped rooms with A-. I figured being a teen girl, she needed more privacy so I gave her my master bedroom with bath and took her small room on the other side of the house. Well, she is LOVING the swap because she gets a nice big room and a bathroom and huge closet, but she was a bit worried that I was going to hate the swap. Truth is, I absolutely love it! The smaller room is cozy, but better yet, I can’t put much in my new room and I have to keep everything in its place. Not having room to “spread out” is a blessing to my ADHD self. Things are neater and it just works much better for me. I feel much more relaxed when I go in my room now and I know that I have to keep things to a minimum and I can’t allow clutter to pile up anywhere because there just isn’t room. It’s calming. My old room just had too much room. The more room the more stuff I crammed inside. The more paper piles I grew. Not being able to do this is a sanity saver!!
Summer is going by way too fast and school will be here before we know it. I’m trying to enjoy each and every day with my girl. It seems that since she’s going into ninth grade, I just keep thinking of how little time there is remaining to her childhood. It’s like a ticking clock now. I want to enjoy these next few years and make the most of them.
I have a good life.